5 Effective Mentoring Skills
We get lots of questions from mentors, mentorees, and mentoring
program managers on what they need to do in order to have a
successful mentoring relationship and an overall successful program.
So we thought we'd devote this month's
"Mentoring Minute" to 5 effective mentoring skills. It's
important to note that you won't master these skills overnight. In fact, some of these skills are ones we'll all be working on
throughout our lives. That said, we've found that the mentors and mentorees who
embrace these skills sooner rather than later are the ones who experience the
most success in their mentoring relationship.
Skill #1: Open mindness. By
far, one of the most important skills you need to have is the ability to keep
an open mind. We all come to the mentoring "table" with our own
thoughts, our own value system, and our own prejudices. This is normal: it's
called being human. But the purpose of mentoring is to transform...not only the
mentoree, but also the mentor. For this to occur, everyone needs to open their
minds to new ways of thinking. It's not always easy, and it will likely be an
ongoing process throughout the mentoring relationship. The point is to be aware
of what you're thinking...and how it's affecting the relationship.
Skill #2: Active listening. There
are two types of listening: active and passive, and their definitions are just
as their names imply. When you actively listen, you're fully engaged with the
other person. You're focused on what he or she is saying, and you reinforce
what the person is saying by offering nonverbal cues, such as eye contact and
nodding your head. Active listeners are alert, sit up straight, ask questions,
and show their sincere interest in what the other person is saying. Both
mentors and mentorees need to engage in active listening with one another.Bonus: here
are some more communication tips.
Skill #3: Tough questioning. The
way to dig deeper into an issue is by asking questions, and sometimes the most
important questions are hard to ask. Ask them anyway. Do so with diplomacy and
tact, of course, but go ahead and ask.
Skill #4: Total honesty. This
goes hand-in-hand with the previous skill. If you ask a tough question -- or if
you're asked a tough question -- be prepared to hear honest answers (or to
deliver honest answers). It's not always easy to be completely honest, but it's
important. Of course, to be honest, you need to feel safe. Here's
an article on why safety matters in mentoring.
Skill #5: Deeper reflection and self-awareness. You
ask a tough question, you hear an honest answer, and now what? This is where
reflection and self-awareness come in. It's easy to want to move away from the
challenging conversations and onto easier subjects. But the most successful
mentoring relationship won't allow for this. Instead, mentors and mentorees
will take time to reflect on what's been discussed. This is important because
when we're discussing difficult issues, we can often slip into defense mode in
the heat of the moment. Taking time to reflect, however, can help us avoid
knee-jerk reactions and, instead, help us grow. Which is the whole point,
right?
If you have any questions about how to develop
these important skills in your mentors and mentorees, don't hesitate to contact
us to learn more.
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How to be a Successful
Mentee
IntroductionMentoring..What
is it?Mentoring Definitions You Need to KnowMentoring...Why Does it
Work?Mentoring Myths ShatteredMentoring: Getting the Most from the RelationshipOverview
of the Mentoring ProcessHow to be an Effective MentorMentor Skills Critical to
Building RapportMentor Skills Critical to Direction SettingMentor Skills
Critical to Sustaining ProgressMentor's First MeetingMentor: Putting it All
TogetherHow to be a Successful MenteeMentee Skills Critical to Rapport
BuildingMentee Skills Critical to Direction SettingMentee Skills Critical to
Sustaining ProgressMentee's
First MeetingMentee: Putting it All TogetherMentee
Top Ten ListMentoring
EvaluationSummaryAssessment
This section of our training is focused
entirely on the roles, qualities, and skills of an successful mentee. If your
role is that of a mentor, you are welcome to stay with us as we explore the
world of a mentee, or you can go directly to the section on Evaluating the
Mentoring Relationship by clicking here.
Let's take a moment to review the definition of
mentoring:
Mentoring is a collaborative learning relationship
between individuals who share mutual responsibility and accountability for
helping the mentee work toward the fulfillment of clear and mutually defined
learning goals. Mentoring is used to assist individuals at specific stages of
development or transition and lasts for a sustain ed but defined period of
time. The mentoring relationship provides a developmental opportunity for both
parties and can thus be of mutual benefit.
This definition structures your mentee role as
one of an achiever willing to take the initiative for his/her own development
and make the most of available learning opportunities. You are responsible for
devoting your time to the mentoring relationship with on-going interaction with
your mentor. Mentoring is a journey mentors and mentees embark on together and
both have a responsibility to create a committed, mutually beneficial
relationship. Throughout this journey, two individuals help each other arrive
at a common destination called professional excellence.
Mentee's Responsibilities
As the mentee, you are the “gauge” to measure
how interactive and how successful a mentoring connection will be. By
acknowledging that the development of your career can be enhanced through a
series of planned experiences, you decide upon the amount of help and guidance
you need. You identify the skills and competencies you wish to gain and assume
the initiative ask for the help or guidance to achieve your goals. Your
responsibilities include absorbing the mentor's knowledge and then
demonstrating what you have learned.
Types of Mentoring Relationships
Mentoring can take the form of one-time
intervention or a lifelong partnership. It can be as formal as a structured
employee orientation or as informal as an element of a professional friendship.
Anyone who has been successfully mentored recognizes the impact on their life
or the result in their career, but may not have been able to put a name to it
at the time.
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Review the diagram of the four types of
mentoring structures and think about how they relate to your past encounters.
We have all had these experiences, whether we were the mentor or the mentee.
What Should I Look for in a Mentor?
Whether you intend to be part of a formal,
informal or a situational mentoring relationship, some vital qualities to seek
in a mentor are that they:
• Have the energy and ability to support you.
• Possesses a strong professional network.
• Have experience in the area or field that you have identified for development.
• Are an excellent listener.
• Are trustworthy, non-judgmental, and ethical.
• Have a genuine interest in helping you develop personally and professionally.
• Are well respected by their peers in their field of expertise.
• Possess a work style and work ethic similar to yours, unless the different style is what you are seeking to master.
• Have the energy and ability to support you.
• Possesses a strong professional network.
• Have experience in the area or field that you have identified for development.
• Are an excellent listener.
• Are trustworthy, non-judgmental, and ethical.
• Have a genuine interest in helping you develop personally and professionally.
• Are well respected by their peers in their field of expertise.
• Possess a work style and work ethic similar to yours, unless the different style is what you are seeking to master.
Click here and download the file to
watch a video of James T. Yardley, PhD., entitled "Finding a
Mentor. " Dr. Yardley suggests that you be on the lookout for
possible mentors that can help you move forward...but be forewarned that
mentoring is a mutual relationship with all the caveats that go with it. When
you are finished, use your back arrow to return to this page.
What Can I Expect To Gain From
A Mentoring Relationship?
One of key tasks a mentee needs to perform to
ensure a productive relationship with a mentor is to be very clear about what
you expect and need. No mentor will be able to meet all of your needs, but by
explicitly articulating your expectations it will afford the mentor an
opportunity to clarify which ones they can successfully meet.
Are You Ready to be Mentored?
If you can answer yes to the following questions, you are ready to begin learning more about being a successful mentee.
• I except full responsibility for my career goals and would benefit from guidance in creating a plan for my development.
• I am prepared to listen, but I understand that I am also expected to contribute to the relationship by sharing my ideas.
• I will accept constructive feedback and take the risk of exploring new ideas and approaches suggested by my mentor.
• My expectations for my mentoring relationships are well-thought out and realistic.
• I am busy, but I am ready to make a commitment to my future by communicating effectively with my mentor.
• I will remember that in order to succeed I must fail so that I will know what not to do next time
If you can answer yes to the following questions, you are ready to begin learning more about being a successful mentee.
• I except full responsibility for my career goals and would benefit from guidance in creating a plan for my development.
• I am prepared to listen, but I understand that I am also expected to contribute to the relationship by sharing my ideas.
• I will accept constructive feedback and take the risk of exploring new ideas and approaches suggested by my mentor.
• My expectations for my mentoring relationships are well-thought out and realistic.
• I am busy, but I am ready to make a commitment to my future by communicating effectively with my mentor.
• I will remember that in order to succeed I must fail so that I will know what not to do next time
Click here to watch a short video "Life = Risk" on people who persevered
no matter how many times they failed in life. You may be amazed to see who they
are, but you can be sure that sometime in their lives, they had a mentor that
encouraged them to continue trying. When you are finished, use your back arrow
to return to this page.
Qualities of a Successful
Mentee
Quality: Personal commitment to be involved
with another person for an extended time. The mentee has to want
to be a full partner in the mentoring connection and be invested, over the long
haul, to be there long enough to realize a difference. To that end, they
prepare and do the appropriate "homework" for meetings with their
mentor. They work to gain the skills, knowledge, and abilities to grow.
Quality: Flexibility. Successful mentees
recognize that relationships take time to develop and that communication is a
two-way street. They're flexible, listen to their mentor, and consider new
options. They take initiative, seeking the mentor's advice when needed. And
they focus on the goal, not getting lost in the process.
Quality: Ability to recognize that mentoring is
only ONE development tool. Mentors can
save you time plus inspire, teach, and encourage you. They can be excellent
role models for what you want to do and become. At the same time, you can also
learn from many other sources. By recognizing that you can benefit from a
variety of sources, perspectives and styles – even those quite different from
your own – you will open yourself up to new ideas, valuable information, and a
wide range of viewpoints. Consider one or more mentors as part of your overall
personal development strategy.
Quality: Openness. The mentee has to know
and be able to discuss their needs and objectives with their mentor. This means
that he or she has to look inside themselves to identify areas that may need
work and share them with the mentor.
Quality: Ability to listen and to accept
different points of view. The mentee
needs to be able to receive feedback and look at the situation from the
mentor's perspective to gain a more objective viewpoint. One of the biggest
values of the mentoring connection is the ability to have a more experienced
person's viewpoint. The mentee has to be willing to try new things, to consider
different ways of "getting there from here."
Counterproductive Mentee behaviors: Twelve
Habits of Toxic Mentee
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A light-hearted look at how not to be a mentee!
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Mentoring and Coaching
Skills
Many people, even senior-level executives, have
never learned how to be an effective mentor and coach. Mentoring is not simply
answering questions and giving advice; it requires a unique set of skills and
practice. A mentor needs to:
1.
Create an open and supportive climate for discussion
Seek to develop trust by encouraging open,
two-way communications; this often means sharing personal experiences or
difficult times you went through so that the mentee knows she or he can discuss
tough issues.
- Respect
the mentee's individuality. Your mentee may or may not have a similar
style.
- Be
patient if your mentee seems unfocused-help her or him focus by presenting
and discussing options.
- Make
it clear that you hope to learn from this experience.
2.
Demonstrate good listening/follow-up skills
Most of us need to improve our listening
skills; we tend to talk more than we listen and to interrupt people more than
we should.
- Ask
open-ended questions to get your mentee to open up as much as possible (Examples: How did you decide
to major in communication sciencesand disorders? What are your longer term
goals?)
- After
you have listened fully to a response, ask good follow-up questions to
demonstrate genuine interest.(Example: After you've completed
yourinternship, what do you hope to do next to move to the next step?)
- If
you do not understand something, try to paraphrase it to be sure you
understand what the person is trying to say. (Example: So what I
thinkyou're saying is that you want to broaden your knowledge of
opportunities)
- After
you've discussed an issue in one conversation, be sure to ask how the
situation has progressed next time you write an e-mail or talk.
- Don't
assume that what worked for you will work for your mentee; rather, try
saying something like, "My experience was (xxx). What do you think
will work for you?"
3.
Provide constructive feedback and advice.
It is important for you to match the degree of
openness of your mentee. Do not give negative feedback
until you have built a strong relationship and the mentee is ready to receive
it.
- Give
a balance of both praise and constructive feedback on how to improve.
- Always
focus on behaviors that can be changed (not personality traits!) and
behaviors that are appropriate within the organization/field/environment.
- Let
your mentee set the initial goals and then give feedback and suggestions.
- Help
your mentee make goals specific and realistic with target dates; monitor
progress, help her him or her adapt plans when necessary, and provide
ongoing encouragement.
- Do
problem solving with your mentee when issues/barriers arise. Do not feel
that you have to have all the answers but rather help your mentee think
through strategies and options.
- Consider
and discuss additional ways for your mentee to get advice and information
he or she needs. Call on other mentors/colleagues when appropriate and try
to help your mentee widen his or her network.
Roles of the Mentee and
Mentor
"It is the third most powerful
relationship for influencing human behavior (after the family and couple relationships ) if it is
working." Source:
Richard E. Caruso, PhD
Role
of the Mentee
As a mentee, you will play many different roles
during the course of your mentoring relationship. The following are some
important roles for you to keep in mind:
Driver
of Relationship
- Identify
the skills, knowledge, and/or goals that you want to achieve and
communicate them to your mentor
- Bring
up new topics that are important to you at any point and give feedback to
your mentor
Development
Planner
- Maintain
a mentoring plan and work with your mentor to set up goals, developmental
activities, and time frames
Resource
Partner
- Work
with your mentor to seek resources for learning; identify people and
information that might be helpful
Teacher
- Look
for opportunities to give back to your mentor; share any information that
you think might be valuable
Continuous
Learner
- Take
full advantage of this opportunity to learn
Role
of the Mentor
As a mentor, your primary role is to provide
guidance and support to your mentee based on his or her unique developmental
needs. At different points in the relationship, you will take on some or all of
the following roles:
Coach/Advisor
- Give
advice and guidance, share ideas, and provide feedback
- Share
information on "unwritten rules for success" within
environment/organization
Source
of Encouragement/Support
- Act
as sounding board for ideas/concerns about school/career choices; provide
insights into possible opportunities
- Provide
support on personal issues if appropriate
Resource
Person
- Identify
resources to help mentee enhance personal development and career growth
- Expand
the mentee's network of contacts
Champion
- Serve
as advocate for mentee whenever opportunity presents itself
- Seek
opportunities for increased visibility for mentee
Devil's
Advocate
- When
appropriate, play devil's advocate to help mentee think through important
decisions and strategies
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